Love...

"I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy—ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness—that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what—at last—I have found."

These lines from Bertrand Russell's autobiography is, in fact, the most simple and beautiful way to define why people seek love (romantic love, to be precise). And yet, unlike the great writer, people often are not lucky enough to have it. As he himself says, it seems too good for human life!

What is love? And how is it so powerful, so attractive that everyone wants it? Scientists will tell us something about Endorphins, Poets will go on about its beauty, Spiritualists will preach about it being God's manifestation and so on...but I think Love is more than all this. Love is the capacity of man to reach out from the small, closed world of his to put himself out there, to make himself vulnerable and yet grow strong, and to feel a certain ecstasy and contentment that simply isn't possible otherwise.

But sadly, this once simple, pure and exalted emotion has now been made a tagline. It has been used so frequently and carelessly that it has lost its meaning. And even more sadly, it is now driven by Lust, Infatuation, Attraction or whatever you choose to call it. The genuinity is gone, and what remains is a shallow, consumeristic, selfish, confused and non-committal shadow of an emotion.

How should love be? Or what is ideal love? Sadly, people have considered Romeo-Juliet, Laila-Majnu and other such fictional, tragic couples to be the highest ideals of love. Yes, they died for each other, but that does not make them perfect, because they threw away their life for love (which in my opinion is quite stupid!). It gives rise to an important question - Is wanting to be together all that there is to love?

At the same time, we have the story of Shahjahan building the Tajmahal, the "monument of love" for the wife he loved. And what did he do? Spent the resources and men of a country already getting impoverished...that too at a time when the rest of the world was developing science and entering the enlightenment era! On one hand, we have a King (Lord Ram), who sacrificed his love for his duties towards his people, and a prince (Lord Buddha), who gave up a loving family life to attain enlightenment. And on the other hand, this megalomaniac emperor, who discarded all other things to build a tomb...and yet he is an example of love's greatness?!!

Love isn't simply falling for someone, getting married and living your life with that person...nor is it dying for that person. Love doesn't mean hugs and gifts and holding hands and staring into each other's eyes (Those are just outcomes of love, for the few lucky ones it works out for). Love is, in its purest form, unconditional and selfless. It means wanting the loved one to be happy no matter what. It means patience and tolerance and understanding for the other person. It is an experience, an all-encompassing emotion which lifts you spiritually, which leaves you elated. And that is why we worship Radha-Krishna, because they represent love bereft of all wants, all desires and all externalities. It is love just for the sake of love.

Love brings joy, but it also brings heart-break and pain. In that way, it is like life - happiness and sadness are its two inevitable aspects. But the trick is to manage the pain, to learn to live with the emptiness we feel whe love doesn't work out...not to take rash steps like committing suicide, resorting to emotional blackmail and the like. Love should necessarily involve conscience, a lot of reasoning and logic besides feelings and passion. One should neither get blinded by emotions nor restrict life's view to love alone. Love may be a key ingredient of a happy life, but life itself is much bigger than love. Love should support life, not destroy it.

Is it all too hard to practice? Of course! In fact, it is so difficult that I think it can only be imagined. Since love gives birth to dreams and desires, it is extremely difficult to overcome them and reach the state of true love. But yes, one can reach close - one can put most of his desires aside and one can put as few conditions as possible. If not perfectly, atleast one can love genuinely. One can sacrifice even if one doesn't naturally feel inclined to give up on his/her stance. And it is because we have that strength inside us - that strength we never seem to realize we have. Even when not reciprocated, we can choose to love a person for the sake of it. Even in moments of pain inflicted by them, we can choose to wish happiness for them. And even while suffering the excruciating, tormented, darkest hours of our lives, we can choose to pray for the well-being of the loved one.

If one has made an effort to do all this, even if one has failed, then he/she has loved. And if one has loved selfishly, then one has not loved, even if he/she has succeeded. Because ultimately, success or failure is not important, what is important is how you have lived your life and whether you have tried to live upto the highest values imagined by man. Everything else fades away - Romance, Attraction etc. etc. - but true love, inner strength and values persist, and to achieve that should be the goal.

If only the world would realize that...